Monday, September 30, 2002

Hi, my name is Ben, and I was a nail biter. I haven't bit my nails in about two weeks.
My life hasn't changed that much, except for all the anonymous calls I've been getting
from supermodels and the like, and it's kinda hard to play my gee-tar because the shap of my
fingers are changing. I've decided to share my experience coupled with the years of Higer Education
for the good of mankind, and I have come up with a...

12 STEP PROGRAM FOR NAILBITERS.

Step 1
I admit I have a problem, and nailbiting could be considered
to be self-cannibalism in some countries.
Step 2
Quit biting your nails. Get your fingers out of your mouth,
you dirty pig. It's gross.
Steps 3-12
If you need 9 more steps to quit biting your nails, you have probably
moved on all the way down to your knuckels and you're losing sooo much blood
that you're in serious trouble. Ignore this self help program I have devised and
get some real professional help, you've got a lot worse problems than biting you
fingernails.

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